


Safety Is A Social Construct

by Kealpos



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Getting Back Together, Humanstuck, background davekat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-01 04:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16277906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kealpos/pseuds/Kealpos
Summary: Retrouvailles(French. meaning: rediscovery) The joy of reuniting with someone after a long separationYou are at Chuck-A-Rama in sweats and a pizza roll stained cat shirt Dave got you for your last birthday when you and a stranger brush hands reaching for the Apple Beer. You look up to fight to the death for the first tap and instead you are met with the face of the girl you made out with eight different times during high school but never dated. All those feelings rush back and you realize you still have feelings for Kanaya Maryam despite it having been three years. You hope the blush on her face means the same thing.





	1. Texas is a land-locked state, It's a little bit far away

Fuck Dave. When you get home you are going to find your knitting supplies and make him a scarf while thinking bad thoughts about him the entire time. You will make him get so drunk in this scarf that he’ll feel like he has a hangover for days. That’s how strong you are going to make the anger you will place in his scarf. This is horrible.

“Nothing bad will happen,” he said. “Just go eat dinner and chill out!” he said. “It’s fucking Chuck-A-Rama and you haven’t left the house in a month, Rose. Go out to eat or I’ll drag you out,” he said. “What’s the worst that can go down?” he said. That bastard. This. This is the worst thing to ever go down.

You see, you decided to heed his advice and go out. You were just a stranger in a sea of other strangers to all these strangers. You decided to put on your comfiest clothing, forgo a bra, and hit the town. Well, here you are. Your plate is loaded with shrimp and cocktail sauce. You’re doing a balancing act of that plate and another that is entirely covered in Mac and Cheese. You’re going to crush up Oreos in ice cream and make a milkshake later. One final touch before you went to sit down: your hand is hovering over the spout for the Apple Beer. Another hand brushes you, reaching for the same nectar, and you turn to berate them for even daring to come in your vicinity. But, when you look at their face, the penny drops and you almost lose your plates to the cold, hard ground.

Staring back at you is a face oh too recognizable, even after all these years.

Kanaya Maryam. Your enemy, your lover, your friend. Your shocked eyes trace her sharp jaws and in stunning detail, you can remember every kiss you laid upon her face.

Back in High School, you were a little shit. You’re still a little shit, but back then, more so. You were Rose Lalonde: vice president of the Poetry Club that you never showed up to, sister of the super-douche Dave Strider, and an advocate for teaching H.P Lovecraft to tenth graders. You had perfect grades in everything but French because you liked to answer in Latin on tests and homework. You wore black lipstick and black eyeshadow every day and tied up your pretty blonde yet goth gift with a bow of a pink headband. You were also adamant that you were, in fact, the straightest person alive.

You see, back in the hell times, you were shoulders deep in the closest, so much so that you didn’t call yourself as anything but “straight, but with eyes,” even in your head, for months after the first… encounter with Kanaya, let alone a Lesbian, with a capital L.

It happened at a party John, one of your best friends, hosted at his house while his dad was away. You arrived fashionably late, which, unfortunately, you can’t really do with a High School party that has no set time besides “after five.” You immediately got a drink shoved into your hands by John’s cousin, Jade, and were chanted at until you drank it. You drank four more and got absolutely hammered, with them being solo cups of warm beer and all. You chugged a screwdriver and then went to go hide in John’s bedroom until more people dropped like flies, succumbing to the urge to sleep.

John, Jade, and Dave came up various times while you sobered up, but you still didn’t feel like joining them. Also, by the time the second beer began to wear off, you realized you were desperately horny, and you wanted to throw yourself at the first non-related, non-best-friend-since-kindergarten person you could find, so it was better to hide away and save face. This worked out decently until she walked in.

“She” was none other than Kanaya Maryam, the thorn in your side ever since she transferred to your 6th period AP English class. She was fussy, witty, and too popular for your tastes. She constantly corrected your grammar. She was best friends with both the school bullies and the school president. You and she could lock horns for whole class periods with your respective snarky horseshit.

She was also goth as fuck and that black lipstick looked really, really hot on her. Oh god.

You don’t know who made the first move. All you know is one minute she came into John’s bedroom, looking for a friend of hers, her shirt clinging tight to her chest, and the next, you were straddling her, her tongue down your throat. It didn’t go any farther than a make-out session and your shirt being flung off your body because feeling her nails when she cupped your waist made you realize that you were making out with a) a girl whom b) you hated. You did an Olympic backstroke off of the diver’s handle and you made her leave right as her hand tried to sneak its way under your bra.

Five weeks later, you grabbed her before she could enter Math and corralled her into the janitor’s closet, locking it from the inside. You bit her lips, left several hickeys on the side of her neck, and managed to touch her nipples. You two made out until the vibrations in your head that made you terrified and wanting her and terrified of wanting her left, and then you brushed the hair out of her eyes and cried against her until the bell rang. She left you a passive-aggressive sticky note on your binder the next day: a doodle of you sobbing into her titties, which were drawn way bigger than they actually were. You told her as such by slipping a note written in cursive and sparkly purple gel pen into her locker the next day. You taped an orange to the front of the locker, to really drive it home. She glared at you during lunch. You packed orange slices with your sandwich every single day that week.

The third time you made out with her, it happened because you read “Room” by Emma Donoghue, and while looking for her other works, stumbled upon “Inseparable: Desire Between Women in Literature.” Your heart raced when you found it on her website, though you didn’t know why. You bought a Kindle edition of it, realized you didn’t have a Kindle, bought a hardcover version of it, and when it arrived at your home, you didn’t allow anyone to look in the box or at you.

You read the entire thing, back to front, in less than a day.

You asked if you could come over, she said yes, and you brought the book and a box of matches with you. You didn’t end up burning the book like you thought you would, because the moment you arrived, she looked at your scraggly hair, red-rimmed from crying eyes, and the title of the book, and then held you hard in her grasp until you couldn’t breathe. Or maybe it was until you could breathe again.

You lost the matches somewhere in her room, and when she kissed you long and deep, you thought back to the book and held back a sob. You both lost all but your underwear and neither of you dared to venture past that. She had glow in the dark stars on her ceiling, and you counted those as she ran her fingers across your scalp. You fell asleep in her bed and woke up to her reading the book. You turned on the TV she had in her room while she continued reading. You didn’t talk until you said, “I need to go home,” three hours later. She said “Okay,” and “Bye.” You didn’t say bye back. You let her keep the book.

She didn’t make fun of you about it for a while, but a week after, she finally left a sealed letter with a lipstick-stained kiss mark pressed to the front of it inside your violin. All the letter had was a photocopy of the first drawing she gave to you, and a note saying “We Have To Stop Meeting Like This.” You remember agreeing with her and then running everything but the envelope through your mother’s paper shredder. You pinned the envelope with the kiss on it to a corkboard in your room and got queasy every time you looked at it. But you never took it down. Never ever.

For your birthday, she left you a hand-sewn suit for your cat and a collection of Sappho’s poetry. She kissed the title cover of that, much like the letter. She drew little hearts over the name of the author that compiled them. She scrawled in a dedication to you on one of the blank pages in the front. You felt fond and scared.

The fourth time was a happier occasion than the past two had been. She met you at your house where you drank bad alcohol, ate bad fast food, and watched bad TV. The only good thing was her. You kissed because you wanted to, not because you needed to, which was a first. She tasted like McDonald’s fries, and you held her bony hand the entire time you watched Catfish together. You think you were falling in love. You think you were scared of that. You think you dove off the deep end anyway.

You both fell asleep in a tangle of limbs and lips on the basement couch. She fell asleep, anyway. You’re not sure if you did. You're not sure if you dreamed. All you can remember from the time you stopped kissing to the time you fell off the couch and woke her up in the morning was wondering why her green eyes made you feel so wondrous, so complete.

You two weren't dating. Not really. You both just liked to make out and exchange witty remarks and be in love. But you weren't dating. You stopped going for guys but you never asked her on a date. You thought she did the same, but for girls, because she was way more comfortable with her sexuality than you were and was actually out.

The fifth time you made out, it was a mean kiss. It was angry. It was possessive. It was self-centered. It was stupid.  
It was kind of hot. 

It was just some dumb girl. No, no, it was one of Kanaya's friends. Nepeta. She's your friend now too. They held hands between classes and shared chaste kisses during lunch and it made your blood boil.

Objectively, she was allowed to date whomever she liked. It not like either of you had asked to be exclusive. Just… you took a personal “vow of chastity” against anyone else, and you half-expected her to do the same. Not half. You fully expected her to do the same.

That's why, instead of going to English with her, you pulled her into an empty girls bathroom and pinned her against the inside of one of the bathroom stalls, shoving your tongue deep into her mouth with urgency.

She kissed back and you felt it slowly got hot and heavy, but when your fingers dared to tease her waistband, her eyes widened and she shoved you away.

“We're in school!” She exclaimed, but quietly, because you were in school. And after a moment's pause, continued with “And I have a girlfriend!”

A wave of nausea rolled through your stomach when she said that. You were a pretty jealous person, you realized. “I know!” You hissed.

“This is cheating!” She said.

“I know,” you said, sadder this time. You turned away from and held your face in your hands. Why why why. You’re an idiot. The adrenaline came crashing down. “I know. I never asked to be exclusive. We're not dating. We're not exclusive,” you mumbled out, not crying, but feeling like you would if you weren't so emotionally constipated.

“We could have been. We would have been. But… No. We're not exclusive,” she agreed, a little coldly. A little sadly. “But me and Nepeta are.” She sighed. She grabbed your hand and squeezed it tight, then. Like an apology, or a goodbye. She left you alone in the bathroom and, despite sitting with the same group of people, neither of you talked directly to one another until the next summer.

She and Nepeta broke up on July 18th the summer before Senior year. You remember staring at the caller ID that held her name in awe and picking up immediately. You remember she cried to you about the break-up. You cried too, but not because you were sad, no. But because the cobra squeezing your lungs finally loosened its deadly grip.

You hung out every day starting August first but never moved past friendly touches and longing glances. You were.. Beginning to settle your relationship. By the time school started, you were joined at the hip. You figured you’d be fine if you managed to stay close friends, but nothing else. 

It didn’t turn out that way.

You had four different classes together.

You felt yourself falling all over again every time she hissed at the hard math homework, presented a new thing she had sewn in class, bought you a ball of wool for your knitting, talked you out of breaking into your Mother's liquor cabinet. You daydreamed about her. You think you started to feel okay with that for the first time.

It all came to a head when she broke into your room at two am on your birthday, her delicate hand managing to open the window that you had closed. She climbed a ladder to get to your room. When you found this out, the contents of your stomach threatened to follow the butterflies out all over your shoes.

She snuck through the window, shook you awake, and grinned at your sleeping face. When you thought she was an intruder with a malicious attempt, she clapped a hand over your mouth until you recognized her and stopped screaming.

“I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday,” she said, with a dorky little grin, when you finally allowed her to settle on the bed next to you. You laughed in her face and crushed her into a hug.

“Thanks,” you mumbled into the crook of her neck and she rubbed circles into your back.

“Hey, you want to see what I got you?” She asked when you finally pulled away, and you nodded, your eyes lighting up. 

She pulled her bag out from where she had discarded light jacket, which was light in December because you lived in Texas, and grabbed two wrapped gifts from it. You ripped them open with zeal. The first was a shirt with a chest pocket, where, if you pulled the pocket down, there was a design of a cat flipping you off. You laughed into your hands and promised to wear it that day.

The second, you realized as you unwrapped it, was a hardcover book. Not just any old hardcover book, oh no. Inside the flower-patterned wrapping paper sat “Inseparable: Desire Between Women in Literature” by Emma Donoghue. The same copy you left at Kanaya’s, over a year ago.

You stared at it, mouth gaping open. Your heart beat slowly in your chest as you ran your thumb across the cover. You took a quick peek inside, and on the title page was a taped note reading “Happy Birthday.” You looked up at Kanaya, looking so nervous, so happy, so sappy. And you leaned forwards, discarded the book next to you, and let your hands flit to the sides of her face.

“Can I kiss you?” You asked, your fingers cupping her jaw, your ring finger resting in the crook between her face and her neck. Her eyes were wide and starry, and you remember her looking at you with awe.

“You’ve never asked that before,” she pointed out in a breathy whisper.

“Well, maybe I should,” you replied softly and leaned in. She met you halfway there, and as the light of your lamp fell lightly across both your bodies, you kissed for the first time since Nepeta.  
You realized how much you missed it. You realized how much you missed her.

You kissed until the sun began to rise in the sky, a low heat in your stomach that you grew to miss. 

You never dated. But this time around, you both unconsciously knew you were exclusive. You held hands under tables and you made her dance with you at Prom. You sang romantic Abba songs to her and she laughed at your bad singing. You kept the book she gave back to you, and you liked to read passages to her when she played with your hair. 

You knew you were gay. You had to come out to people. Kanaya encouraged you through it all, pressing a kiss to your hand like a prince before you came out to your brother. He raised an eyebrow at you, told you that he was wondering when you were going to tell him, and squeezed you into a hug so tight you could barely breathe.

“How did you- You knew already?” You asked a little hysterically when he was done choke-holding you out of love. He grinned and threw an arm around your shoulder.

“I’ve been your sibling for eighteen years, and we have thin walls,” he replied. You flushed at the walls comment. You knew he just meant he’s heard you and Kanaya talk, but you knew he was also going for the innuendo.

The seventh time you two made out was at a graduation party. In front of the entire senior class.

You both got plastered and you decided it would be a great idea to come out to the graduating class by doing the mambo with your lips all over her. Smooth moves, Lalonde. It worked, at the very least. Jade cheered the loudest, Dave wolf-whistled, and John yelled: “Get a room!”

Not very romantic, but you got the satisfaction of throwing your arm around her shoulders and smiling in a very non-platonic way at her in front of others.

The eighth time was the last time.

“I’m- I’m going to miss you, so much,” she choked out, her voice muffled by her pressing her face to your hair.

“Are you sure you have to go?” You whispered, your eyes shut tight in a stupid attempt not to cry. It wasn’t working. Kanaya had gotten a scholarship “out of state” and that was the last day before she left. She was breaking up with you, so to speak, so that you could both have more options. You think it was a more factual way to help you “get over her,” like she had been prompting for some time. You think she was being self-deprecating. You wish she hadn’t. She was changing phone numbers and she refused to give the new one to you. You hated her when she said that.

You kissed sadly, regretfully, longingly. You might never see her again, you thought. It was like something out of a bad romcom. 

The next day, you, your friends, her friends, and her family all stood with her in the warm morning air before she got in the uber to the airport and left. She looked tired, a little sloppy, and a lot melancholy.

She stared at you for a moment or two before hugging you tightly, pulling away with a squeeze of your shoulder. The moment was bittersweet, and when she turned her attention to her parents, you ran off to go cry, or whatever.

A few minutes after you vanished, Dave found you hiding in her backyard and sat with you, rubbing your back as you sobbed into your knees. You thought you would never see her again.

It all comes rushing back when you see her there. All the emotions, all the butterflies, all the heartache. It all comes back. She hasn’t even spoken to you again in realtime, and you’ve already fallen for her all over again. Oh god.

“Rose Lalonde? Is that you? It’s me, Kanaya Maryam,” she finally says, breaking the silence. There’s a very long beat where you pull yourself out of daydream town. This is ridiculous.

“Hi,” you finally choke out. You feel your blood rush to your face as you remember your history with her. You think you see a dust of pink caressing her cheeks as well. This makes you ecstatic for reasons you don’t want to think about until you’re neck deep in the shrimp you got.

“Hi,” she echoes. You realize she looks nice, in a casual t-shirt and a high-waisted skirt. You are wearing a pizza grease-stained cat crop top Dave got you for your last birthday and sweatpants with “Horror” on the butt.

“So, um,” you say, and something evil is laughing at the way you stumble over those two phrases. “How are you? What have you been up to?” You finally spit out, because that’s something someone normal would say. You think.

“Good, good!” she says, chittering a little like she’s nervous. “I’ve been good. I studied Textile Design abroad in England for the past year. Just got back about two weeks ago.” Ah, yes. You thought you could hear the slightest edge of an accent. Also, Textile Design? Good for her. She always did dream of going into the fashion business, and that’s a good step forward. “And you?” She asks.

If this were true hell, you would have nothing to show for the past three years besides two plates full of shrimp and mac & cheese respectively, a grease-stained shirt, and sweatpants that say “Horror” on the butt. Of course, you are smart enough to out-smart the demons, to a degree.

“Stayed in town. I’m living with my brother, Dave, as of now. Studied English online and I published a decently popular book. I’m working on my second one, as of now.” Oh, god. You just said “as of now” twice. Point, demons. Kanaya, in a move so different from the person she was back in twelfth grade that it wakes you up like a bucket of cold water dumped on your head, doesn’t point this grammatical error out.

“Oh, yes. You were always writing something back in school. I just assumed you would stay working on it forever,” she teases, and you just smile at her. She’s changed but she’s still Kanaya.

“Har, har. So, where are you staying now? Back at home?” You ask, and you finally, finally, reach for the Apple Beer. You have been holding your plates of food and an empty cup this entire conversation. She blushes, and something inside you freezes as the liquid spills into your glass.

“I’m actually staying at a rented apartment with my girlfriend, Feferi,” she says, and your movements grow too jerky and jagged to appear natural.

“Oh,” you say dumbly, filling your drink to the brim. She doesn’t say anything for a moment; she just stares at you.

“She and I met in England,” she continues after a bloated pause, even though she doesn’t need to. “You might like her. She’s nice. Bubbly. Likes eldritch horror, as you did.” You nod. You hate Dave. You’re going to poison Dave’s vanilla yogurt. You’re going to give Karkat Dave’s baby photos.

“Fun. I’ll have to meet her. Now that you’re back in town, we can meet up,” you reply, pulling your cup from the machine. It’s her turn to fill her glass. Oh wait, she filled it up with something different. When did she have the time to do that?

“Are you here with anyone else? She’s here with me. If you’re on your own, you could come and sit with us,” she asks, very eagerly. She obviously wants you to say yes. Kanaya is with her girlfriend, has somehow gotten even hotter, and she wants you to come and sit with her. You just nod silently and she grins at you, baring her teeth, which have always seemed a little too sharp.

You secretly hope Feferi is mean, vain, and narcissistic. You don’t want that on Kanaya, but you also don’t want her to be great, because fundamentally, you are a jealous person. You follow her over to the table, and you spot her girlfriend instantly.

She’s got large curly hair, large pink glasses, and about a million silly bands on. She’s got bright pink lipstick and a very sharp looking leather jacket. Okay, she’s kinda sexy. Feferi looks up and lights up at the sight of Kanaya instantly. 

“You good? Okay then I’m gonna-” she starts, pausing when she spots you. “Who’s this?” Her voice is warm and high in places where yours never was, and you feel inadequate.

“Right. Feferi, this is Rose Lalonde. An old… friend. From high school. Ran into her while loading up. Do you mind if I have her sit with us?” Kanaya asks, and it stings when she calls you a friend.

“Sure!” She chirps. It almost sounds like she said “shore” but maybe that’s just her accent. “Well, I’m gonna go get my food, okay?” Why does her accent make her sound like she keeps saying fish puns? She gets up from the booth and shoots Kanaya a smile.

“Got it,” Kanaya replies, sliding in. You slide in after her, feeling awkward. 

Feferi wanders off and you take a long sip of your drink, refusing to look at her nor Kanaya. Kanaya eyes your shrimp. She’s taken what you think is clam chowder. You hate soup.

A few minutes of awkward silence later, Feferi comes back over, her own plates covered in salad and various seafood pieces, including the shrimp. Kanaya switches over to drooling over her food instead.

“So!” Feferi says when she settles back into her seat. “Rose Lalonde, was it?”

You clear your throat and nod, settling into an old routine to keep people at bay. Ha. “That’s right. Me and Kanaya used to be close friends back in Junior and Senior year. Regrettably, we lost contact when she left for college out of state.”

“Oh, how unfortuna-ate!” She crows and okay she definitely made a fish pun that time. “Well, lucky she met you again!” You try to gauge for sarcasm or passive-aggressiveness. You detect none. Is she just really, really good at pretending to be sincere, or is she really that nice? What the shit.

“Yeah. Suppose we’re just twin ladies of luck,” you reply, giving her a sharp, slightly ingenuine grin. “How did you and Kanaya meet?”

“She almost ripped my arm off because I took the last edition of The Gilda Stories that this little bookstore had,” she cooed. Sickening. “I promised to let her borrow it when I finished, and then we just clicked after that. Of course, you probably already knew about her weird vampire fetish if you went to High School with her.” Feferi then winked at you, and when you looked at Kanaya with wide eyes, she was redder than a tomato. You probably resembled that, but it was just too entertaining to hear someone besides you mock her for the obsession of the undead to be concerned with blushing. 

“Let’s not get into that!” Kanaya chittered, embarrassed. “Rose, you said you had published a book before?” You smiled knowingly at the change of topic. If you were still your eighteen-year-old self, you would’ve refused to budge until she told all. You’ve grown some. Matured.

“That’s right. It’s about a lesbian vampire and her amorous love interest, interacting in the means of a revolution, of sorts, with both the quote-unquote monstrous world and the humane world affected by such ideas,” you say. Kanaya makes a wounded noise and Feferi starts up in uproarious laughter. The best of coincidences.

If you’re being honest and truthful, you wrote in in the wake of the wounds that Kanaya bestowed upon you with her leave. You felt scared of going at the world gay without her, the one who had been with you every step of the way, by your side. So, in the inspiration of her love for vampire novels and your own feelings, you crafted the story of the ancient vampire, coming out of a 3 century long leave after a bad breakup and run from her last town to start dating again. She gets caught up in a beginning movement for vampires to be seen as people, as well as the development of the gay community in the made-up town of Forte, Utah. It’s chock-full of bad metaphors, sloppy vampire/human makeouts, and a political statement that maybe even people we don’t think can be people… are.

You look at Kanaya and remember the Halloween party you both went to Junior year. It wasn’t the party where you began the twisted road of loving that made up a majority of your relationship, but sometime before that. She came as a vampire; polished and sleek in a dress of many soft, sheer, black layers that you found were slightly hard to look at. Several layers, buried deeper into the dress, were a dark red and similarly dark green. Jade, almost. Her makeup was applied to make her look ghostly pale and shimmering in a way that made you think of an article you had seen, where the “look” for women during the Victorian ages or some time had become reminiscent of the tuberculosis scare that carried on for decades. Skinny, pale skin, glowing, rosy cheeks, etcetera. Her black hair was styled neatly with swooping bangs lying against her face. Her lipstick was green. Her fake fangs were hyperrealistic. There was a line of fake blood dripping down to her chin. You feigned being unimpressed, even saying that vampires were slobs if they let what was essentially their food dribble out like a four-year-old, but that was also the party where you ate nearly a whole pizza in attempts to distract yourself from her haughty yet intrigued gaze.

You went as a slutty wizard. Dave kept trying to steal your curling pink beard right off your face. You knew she was judging you for your costume, but it was, and someone stop you if you’re sounding too much like your dear brother here, an ironic costume.

You turn away and remove the tail from the shrimp that the restaurant keeps on. “So, you two were in England?” You ask, moving on and looking down so that neither of them will see the sorrow and love your eyes hold when you gaze at Kanaya.

“Ah! That’s right. There was a study abroad program my school was hosting and I figured you only live once,” Kanaya says, grateful for the change in subject. 

“Yolo,” Feferi giggles insufferably. “I was living down in Britain. I grew up in France, but my mom was from Canada, so I grew up in a bilingual household. I.. moved out at seventeen, and came to Britain when I was nineteen.” She finishes her talk a bit sadly, grabbing the straw to her water and taking a long drink, and you want to interrogate her until she cries on your shoulder and moves back to Europe because she doesn’t need a devilishly beautiful, tall lesbian who someone else was in love with to heal her.

“Interesting,” you say, but you don’t force anything out of her because Kanaya is glaring daggers at you, daring you to even try.

“So! What do you do, Rose?” She asks, somehow reverting back to her cheery tone in a blink of an eye. “You mentioned your book, but besides that!”

“Well, there’s the personal writing, naturally. The books. I do online quizzes for money, as well as submit poetry to local papers or in contests. I work part-time at a Target on self check-out. I don’t need to do much. I did college online and my mother is well off. I’m living with my twin brother, Dave. He makes music, DJs, does online comics, and photography. With our shared incomes and support from mom, we are able to afford a three bedroom apartment. The extra bedroom is for any visitors, partners, perhaps. A friend of ours, Karkat, is over a lot,” you say, getting into the extra details.

“Oh! Kanaya’s told me about Karkat! If it weren’t for Kanaya being sooo gay and all, I would be jealous,” Feferi says, pouting jokingly at Kanaya. ...Karkat still talks to her? Why didn’t he ever tell you!? Your hands clench under the table but your face gives nothing away.

Kanya, who seems to realize your thought process, clears her throat. “How is Dave? I wasn’t really friends with him back in school, but he was always nice to me.”

“Oh, you know. He finally changed his name a few years ago, with the whole.. Uhm, David Reimer incident.” Kanaya catches on, as she was there for a lot of it. She got a lot of details from you and Karkat, who was her B.M.F (best male friend) at the time. And still is, apparently. Hmph. Dave is transgender, and after both of you read the book on David Reimer, a biological boy raised as a girl after a terrible circumcision accident, you dubbed it the David Reimer incident so that you could talk about it in front of others without revealing too much. You found it didn’t describe Dave’s experience, but he was the one who insisted on the name.

“David Reimer incident? What’s that?” Feferi asks, and you wave her off.

“Nothing important,” you say. 

“Good for him,” Kanaya adds, smiling. “Did he change his last name too, like he always said he would?”

“Unfortunately, no. We don’t have another Lalonde running around, by title. Just Striders.” You sigh, playfully disappointed, even if Dave isn’t here to see it. He got enough flack about it when he first changed the name, anyways. Feferi gasps in front of you.

“Strider? Like- Like- Rose, is your brother Dave Strider?” She asks, gawking at you.

“Yes?”

“I love his music!” She squeals. “And his artwork! I’ve commissioned him a few times! You’ll have to introduce him to me!” You blink at her, a little in awe that someone resembling normal likes his work, not just mother, your friends, or the weird furry porn commissioners he takes when in need of an extra buck. Oh, he’ll get a kick out of this.

“Will do. You know, me, him, Karkat, Nepeta, and Jade host biweekly meetups at Dave and I’s house where we eat, watch bad movies, and play Cards Against Humanity. We’re hosting one next week. You could join us, if you would like,” you hint.

“Will there be alcohol?” Feferi asks, and your gaze darkens. You don’t keep alcohol in the house for multiple reasons.

“No,” you reply curtly. Your voice is low and dangerous and she smiles awkwardly at you, her eyes darting to Kanaya.

“Um. We would be happy to join you,” Kanaya says, dutifully not commenting on the alcohol thing. You never told her about the worst of the addiction due to no contact, but no guesses that Karkat probably gave updates on your condition. She was there for the beginning of it, after all.

“Right. So, Feferi, what do you do?” You ask, moving on. 

“I, uh.” She clears her throat. “I used to be the head lifeguard at a pool. I also work on animal care and politics. My mother groomed me towards the political spectrum. Of course, unless I am aching for a U.S citizenship, which I’m not, I can’t really hold political office here. So, currently, I am working at an animal shelter and planning protests or rallies and whatnot.”

“I’m doing landscaping and design. I obviously graduated in textile design, but I am also aiming for something with horticulture. Particularly the art of topiary. That brings in decent money, but, you know,” Kanaya says once she is done.

“Mm,” you hum in reply, biting down on a forkful of macaroni. You obviously haven’t been describing your eating, but you’re almost done with both your plates. The drink, too. Topiary. Interesting.

Kanaya looks over at you, her eyelashes long and dark against her skin. Still pale. That hasn’t changed. You swallow hard and stand up.

“I think I’m going to get dessert now,” you say, just so they won’t ask what you’re doing. You grab a cup at the buffet section and move to where the ice cream is. Rather than serving yourself up immediately, you open Pesterchum, the app you and your “chums” use to contact each other, and text Dave.

TT: I really do have to go to bed now, Dave.  
TT: Stop texting me.  
TG: what else am i supposed to do you locked your bedroom door  
TT: For a good reason.  
TT: Night, Dave.  
TG: whatever  
TG: night lalonde

You look at your last conversation from last night. Neither of you really ceases pestering each other. Dave had been yammering on about some episode of some TV show you didn’t watch. You tap on the “new message” button.

TT: Dave.  
TT: Answer me, this is urgent.

You place your phone face down and pour out vanilla ice cream into your cup. Your phone chimes and you stop to look at it. Okay, convo time.

TG: what  
TG: oh no are you finally dying  
TG: you better fucking leave everything to me in your will or else im taking you out of my will  
TT: If you take me out of your will, I will take you out of my will.  
TG: gasp  
TG: you monster  
TT: I’m not dying, though I might as well be.  
TG: aight  
TG: whats up if its almost as bad as dying  
TT: Do you remember Kanaya Maryam?  
TG: yuh duh  
TG: how could i fucking forget  
TG: her scent still lingers  
TG: all the sex noises that still haunt my nightmares keep me up at night  
TG: finding lesbian erotic strew across the house thats obviously yours yet never being able to comment on it until you told me yourself  
TG: do you know what hell is rose  
TG: that  
TG: that was hell  
TT: Oh, I thought hell was being strapped to an electric chair and being forced to watch every embarrassing moment in your life ever.  
TT: If you winced or tried to look away, the chair would shock you.  
TG: one of the two  
TG: so what about kanaya  
TT: She

You stop typing for a moment. You really take in the magnitude of the situation. Not much on face value. But deeper? Oh, it’s horrifying. You are still deeply in love with her, and you never got closure. That is why you have not been able to hold a relationship for more than a month in four years. Your phone beeps angrily at you. Stop ignoring me, it seems to whine.

TG: she what  
TG: rose im on the edge of my seat  
TG: its like im watching that one movie we saw together  
TG: you know about the missing girl  
TG: like the format was all on a computer or some shit  
TG: its like that  
TG: im dying to know the next twist  
TG: im literally gasping because im so intrigued  
TG: what was the movie called goddamn  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: rose help me do you remember

You’ll never get over his ability to type so fast.

TT: It was called Searching, Dave.  
TG: aw hell yeah  
TG: now i can die happy  
TT: You’re welcome for giving you that satisfaction.  
TT: Anyways.  
TT: Um.  
TT: Kanaya is back in town.  
TG: …  
TG: damn okay spill the deets  
TT: I’m going to kill you. I will dismember you and eat your heart and burn the remains.   
TT: And then, when Karkat questions your disappearance, I will murder him too.  
TT: Anyone else is free to live and take me to justice. It is just you two that must be scrubbed from the Earth.  
TG: not the deets i was looking for but whatevs  
TG: so why are you gonna kill me and vantas and sacrifice us to whatever god youve got holed up in your closet  
TT: One: Me encountering her is directly related to you forcing me out of the house, so I hate you.  
TT: As for Karkat, apparently, he has been in contact with her all this time and never told me.  
TG: wait what  
TG: really?  
TT: Well, at least you didn’t know either. That brings me some semblance of relief.  
TG: glad to be of service  
TG: but yeah i see why youre mad at him you were head over black heels for her  
TG: id be kind of bullshit angry if someone withheld important info from me about some hottie i was all sorts of into  
TT: Yeah, well.  
TT: I ran into her while getting a drink at the buffet.  
TT: She invited me to sit with her.  
TG: okay well isnt that good  
TG: reconnecting and all that  
TT: Not quite.  
TT: She invited me to sit with her and her European girlfriend.  
TG: ouch  
TG: you say yes?  
TT: …  
TT: Yeah. I’m getting dessert currently. They’re probably wondering where I am.  
TT: Talk soon.  
TG: good luck  
TT: Thanks.

You sigh and pocket your phone. Your ice cream has melted a little. That’s fine, it is a milkshake anyway. You add a metric fuckton of Oreos to the top and grab a spoon and straw, crushing the cookies down into it as you walk back over. 

You catch only the last word of their conversation.

“Okay. As long as you promise nothing it was nothing else,” Feferi says.

You move over to the table, where they’re holding hands and staring at each other fondly. You’re going to puke. Feferi looks over at you and perks up, smiling wide.

“Hiii! What took you so long?” She chirps.

“I was talking to a friend,” you say, sliding in next to Kanaya. Your dirty plates are missing. The waiter must have come by while you were gone. They accept your answer easily, and the three of you slide into small talk. You don’t bring up Dave. You don’t bring up the past. They don’t mention what they were talking about. You all just talk about the weather and how they’re building a new burger place near the Best Buy.

You end up with Feferi in your contacts when you go home. You pull up into the driveway, park the car, go inside, and hightail it to Dave’s room, where he is inevitably playing video games. He pauses and looks over at you when you flop face-first onto his bed and groan loudly into the sheets.

“That bad?” He asks, frustratingly monotone. He’s gotten a lot better with emotions over the years, but, you know. You’re his sister. When either of you is stressed, you go on defensive to protect yourself or the other. You get verbose. He gets clipped. Different environments.

“Yes,” you say, turning yourself over so that you are facing up. His ceiling has pictures of his perfectly shitty webcomic “Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff” taped to it. No wonder he doesn’t get any. “I wanted to hate her girlfriend. I wanted to hate her so badly. You know what happened?”

“What?” He says though you both know you would tell him anyway.

“She’s sweet, nice, and cheerful. And she seems like she has all her shit together. It sucks.” You cover your face with your hands. “Her name is Feferi Peixes. I invited her and Kanaya to our biweekly get-togethers with the gang.”

“Yo, what?” He asks, a little more emotion creeping into his voice. “A’ight. Don’t inform us. Me, especially. It’s our house. I’m wounded.”

“Oh please. It’s not I that invited Nepeta. It’s Karkat, who gave no warning and doesn’t even live here. You aren’t giving him any unfair treatment, are you? Because I do think that is almost, how do we say it, gay.”

“Dude, whatever,” he says, obviously embarrassed. “You know perfectly well how to say it, asshole.”

“Feferi’s apparently a big fan of yours if that sweetens the pot,” you say, and you can hear him grinning.

“Oh HELL yeah. Someone appreciates fine work. What’d she say she liked in particular?”

“Your music and artwork. Didn’t specify which artwork. I’d like to assume it’s your normal stuff. She said she’s commissioned you before.”

“Really? Sicknasty,” he comments, and he sits back in his beanbag chair. You look up to glare at him and he sighs. “Okay, so she has a cool, nice, European girlfriend with good taste.”

“I thought you were supposed to be cheering me up,” you grumble out, interrupting him. You know he’s giving you a Look right now.

“Anyways. You’re just as cool, Rose. You’re a hot, goth, funny lesbian who knew her for a while. She helped you through your gay crisis and you’re obviously still in love with her. It fucking sucks, but tell me: what was her reaction to seeing you again for the first time?” You’re silent. “Huh? Tell me.”

You sigh. “She was blushing,” you say, and it’s like pulling teeth. It doesn’t even mean anything. She was just freaked out about seeing you again.

“See?” He says. “She was obviously a little into seeing you again.” Dave stands up and walks over to the bed, where he lies down next to you and holds your hand. “You are a fucking badass sister, and she loved you, okay? You kids are gonna be fine.”

You look over at him and he smiles at you. All the tension leaves your body. God, he’s the best fucking brother a girl could ask for.

“Thanks, Dave,” you say, and he knocks his foot with yours, unclasping your hand.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m the best. This means you can’t kill me for forcing you out, though,” he says, and you curse jokingly.

“Dream Killer,” you say.

“That’s me.” He then shoves you off the bend, causing you to fly into a string of curses. “Now get out of my room, asshole!” He laughs at you. Bastard. You leave anyways, flipping him off as you go. He just waves you off and goes back to playing his video game.


	2. Just follow my yellow light, And ignore all those big warning signs

A week after you see Kanaya again, you and your friends host your biweekly get-together. It’s a late Friday night, and Karkat and Jade are fighting over movies again. Nepeta, Kanaya, and Feferi are the only ones still missing from your little shindig.

“No! I am not watching Fifty First Dates for the twelfth time in a row!” Jade yells angrily.

“It’s a good movie! God! And you’re exaggerating to hell; we’ve seen it twice at most!” Karkat yells back. They could power a large city if you were able to turn sound into energy.

“I wish I lost my memory like the main character! Then maybe I would forget to even be here and I wouldn’t have to deal with you!” They do this every single time. Karkat suggests something, usually romantic, and Jade disses him. Jade then suggests something else, likely with action involved, and he calls her out for having “taste worse than you think I do.”

“Three, two, one,” you mumble to Dave, which is his cue to break it up. He shuts them up by announcing that you’re watching whatever movie that you suggest to him, you all make popcorn, and move onto greener pastures. It’s an unofficial tradition.

“Alright, alright. Break it up. Swear to god, you two could break a window with how loud you are. How about we watch Venom, yeah?” He says, forcing the pair to quiet. They consider this, the fight draining out of their bodies, and they agree. Like clockwork.

Jade goes up to get the popcorn ready while Karkat sets the movie up. You’re working on a new scarf. Dave is doing some light drawing. You’ve both already seen this movie, it’s just really good. The doorbell rings a few minutes later, and you sigh, setting aside your project.

“I’ll get it,” you say, standing up. Karkat and Dave both just grunt at you. Men. You head over to the door and swing it open to reveal Nepeta, both her arms wrapped around Feferi and Kanaya. About time, too.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” you say, smirking mischievously at them. “I was wondering when you three would show up.”

“Ha! Nice joke, Rose!” Nepeta chirps, pulling both girls into the apartment with you. You and Dave normally hold the get-togethers at your place even though it’s an apartment because you have the nicest furniture and biggest TV. “I found these two in the lobby, looking pawfully confused!” Feferi smiles at Nepeta’s pun. Hmm… If you ever want to do some romantic manipulation, you could work that angle.

“Well, sorry. I haven’t been in an American apartment building before. It’s confusing!” Feferi pouts, and Nepeta pats her head. Feferi is almost as tall as Kanaya who, last time you saw her, stood around 5’11. Nepeta, on the other hand, is 6’4. You think they are all giants. When Dave spots them, he makes a jealous squawk.

“What the hell! Is literally everyone here taller than me?” Karkat, who is only two inches taller, but still larger, turns to grin at him. Dave flips him off. Feferi’s eyes get wide and excited.

“Oh! Oh! Are you Dave Strider?” She squeals. He looks at her, scoping her over, and then finally, shoots her finger guns.

“That would be me. Don’t wear the name out. Feferi, right?” She nods excitedly and drops down next to him to presumably have a conversation about things that only people with bad taste like. Well, who are you kidding? Some of Dave’s work is decent. Karkat watches them, with jealousy rippling in his eyes. He deserves it.

You ripped him a new one on Saturday, blowing up his phone about how he’s a class traitor or something. He told you that you had never asked for Kanaya’s new handle or number and that’s why he didn’t fork it over and you called him out for lying to your face. He just told you that you were texting each other, and then blocked you for two days straight.

Well, you were super jealous last Friday. And hurt. You still don’t know everything Karkat has told Kanaya about you, but you’re still unhappy about it. You hope it isn’t anything too bad. Point: Karkat deserves to feel jealous about Dave getting attention from a hot girl. He should know better, actually. Feferi is literally dating Kanaya.

Speaking of Kanaya. She’s sat next to you, while Nepeta has bounded into the kitchen to sneakily add more butter to the popcorn Jade makes. She’s settled into pajamas, which is fine. You’re both dressed down to around the same level, so you don’t feel as weird as you did during your previous meeting.

“So, what’s the movie?” She asks, and you shrug, picking up your knitting project. One can never have too many scarves, your mother always said.

“Venom. With Tom Hardy. Have you seen it?” You say, resuming the project.

“No, not yet. I don’t really like the superhero movie franchise. You still knit?”

“Yes, of course. It’s calming and productive,” you reply, regurgitating the same script you give everyone about why you knit. It really is calming and productive. But it’s also something to talk about with your mom during your and Dave’s monthly visits.

“I see. You could probably sell stuff if you’ve gotten even better since I last saw you. You and Nepeta are friends now?” She asks, changing subjects rapidly. Very into conversation today.

“She is friends with Karkat, who is friends with Dave, who is my brother. We’re kind of like friends, but it started out as the intersection of friend groups of those who hadn’t gone elsewhere for college,” you explain.

“Right.” She has nothing more to talk about, it seems. You turn your attention back to your project. A few minutes pass, where Nepeta and Jade come back into the room, each holding a large popcorn bowl. Dave and Jade both pass out drinks, which is a lot of water, apple juice, and Fanta of various flavors. You’re partial to peach Fanta, yourself.

“I was just.. Surprised. That you and Nepeta are friends. You know, after the events that went down in High School,” Kanaya says suddenly, and you look up to see her staring at Nepeta and Karkat talking. You’re not going to finish this project tonight, are you?

You set the scarf aside and cup your cheek, watching Nepeta as well. You imagine yourself back in Junior year, so sad and pathetic. If you told past Rose that you and she were close now, she would’ve ignored you and continue being a jealous bitch. You didn’t even have anything against her besides her dating Kanaya. She was nice then and she’s nice now.

“Well. I’ve grown up. Me and Dave started doing these things with Jade way back when. She would go on these long, exotic trips with her cousin and her Grandpa, so when she broke her leg on one of the trips and was barred from going for nearly six months, me and Dave held these get-togethers with her to cheer her up. After she healed, she still liked to come when she was around. Helped her realize she didn’t need to be constantly moving to be happy. The events also helped ground me and Dave when we were dealing with some… issues throughout the years,” you begin to explain.

“We’re starting the movie, assholes!” Karkat yells, standing up. Jade shouts at him to shut up and he almost jumps her. On the TV screen, somebody hits play.

“Throughout the three years, many of our friends have gone off to college or moved away. John goes to college in Washington and is doing stand-up. Terezi is going to law school and trying to fulfill her dreams of looking like Elle Woods except living in the eighties and nineties. My siblings, Roxy and Dirk, are getting programming and engineering degrees respectively. So, with our small remaining friend group in the area, we wished to keep a connection with locals. Dave got closer to Karkat, and so he eventually invited him to the nights. In turn, Karkat then went and invited Nepeta.”

On screen, Tom Hardy is getting some from Michelle Williams. Go him. Dave makes some comment about how he’d like to be in the middle of that sex sandwich and Karkat punches him in the arm.

“I was.. Unhappy, at first. I barely talked to her. She had no reason to dislike me, so she would be polite to me. Slowly, I realized I was being an asshole. Nepeta was kind, sweet, and it was me who was in the fault in me and her friendly relationship. She wanted to help with troubles in the group and was easy to talk to. So, I inevitably overcame it. I replaced the Nepeta I thought I knew. What I thought I knew was some vixen, some girl who couldn’t give you what I could. Who “stole you” from me. I was wrong.” You shrug. “Nepeta is a funny, strong, and very sweet girl. We both like cats, she enjoys hunting, and she’s a great person. I just had to get over myself to realize this.”

Kanaya looks over at you and you look to her. Her eyes are wide like she’s surprised. Well, you are a woman of mystery. You have changed in the three years since she’s seen you, good and bad. Mostly good, you would like to think.

“Roooose! Shut up and pay attention to the movie!” Jade caws at you and you break the moment between you and Kanaya to grin cooly at her.

“Make me, Harley.” You crawl over to her as she groans and then pulls you into a hug against her. You fake struggle but eventually relax into it. This is also something that happens basically every time.

You sit and watch the story of Eddie Brock and the venom symbiote falling in love unfold. Yes, they are in love. No, you cannot be convinced otherwise. Yes, some of the lines are… cheesy, but it’s good nonetheless. Dave gets a kick out of you revealing that Tom was the one to suggest the eating of the lobster in the movie.

Feferi, who had a lengthy conversation with Dave about his music and artwork that only ended because he promised to send her an unfinished track to listen to, apparently had already seen the movie and was kind of bored of seeing it again.

“You guys said you’d have Cards Against Humanity here, right?” She asks, taking a swig of the water she had taken earlier.

“That’s right!” Nepeta says. “And, I don’t mean to brag, but I’m kind of the best at it!”

“Oh, ho, ho. Just you wait!” Feferi says. Karkat rolls his eyes and grabs the box from the bag he brought.

“Gee, I can’t wait to see what horrible, disgusting person you truly are, Feferi. And at our first meeting too! I’m just so genuinely excited,” he bitches, even though it's his favorite card game to play, outside of Poker.

“I’m just the worst,” she replies, giving him a shark-like grin. 

“Yes, yes, you’re all terrible, terrible people. Can we get this show on the road?” Kanaya says, interrupting whatever Karkat was going to say back. She scoots over next to her girlfriend and you just look down at your lap, waiting for the cards to be passed out and trying to ignore their heart eyes.

Dave has the first hand, laying out the black card: “Hey baby, come back to my place and I’ll show you ____.” After some shuffling and a minute or two, the cards were ready to be read.

====> BE THE AUTHOR

Sorry, sorry. Need to step in real quick. Dear readers, I am lazy. I am lazy and I do not want to find six responses for the black cards I am going to write in here. I know you would probably love that, but do you know how long this writing shit takes? No? A long fucking time. It takes a long fucking time. While I am writing this currently, I have no idea how many chapters this is going to have. Based on the way I’m trying to go about with the timeframe of this story, I assume it’s going to be three to four chapters. Three to four. Did you read the first chapter? Do you know how many words were put into that? And that’s because it had all that fucking backstory! If I want to match the number of words found in that chapter, I will have to pull so many words out of my ass, much like I’m doing now. I’m not going to bother Pesterchum formatting because it’s too much work, but I’m trying to match almost 8k words. Three to four times. I’m not paid to do this shit. I am not formatting Pesterchum. I am not going to include six different white cards for every single player. No. I just want to make sex jokes and have people have heart-to-hearts and get to Rose being in lesbians with Kanaya.

Okay, okay. I’m cool. I’m calm.

Point: I will be giving the player, the black card, and the winning white card. If you don’t like it, take it up with our complaint box. Not right now, though. The person running the complaint box is too busy being sucked long and hard by your mom through their jorts.

That is all.

====> BE ROSE LALONDE

You’re always Rose Lalonde. What are you talking about? You’ve never stopped being Rose Lalonde, ever.

Well, then back to Cards Against Humanity.

After Dave reads the totally hilarious answers that you definitely heard and knew out loud, he does some careful consideration. He makes a dumb thinking face like he’s the newest statue at Musée Rodin in Paris, France. Karkat flicks his cheek after he stays silent for a full minute.

“Alright, alright. Hold your horses, fuckos. Okay. “Hey baby, come back to my place and I’ll show you: A Powerpoint presentation," wins.” He declares, and Kanaya grins at him, holding her hand out for the winning black card.

“I’m surprised you didn’t do something more raunchy,” Karkat says to him.

“Hey, maybe I’m trying to class up my act. What are you gonna do, tell me that you want me to keep being an innuendo-filled pervert? Is that what you want, Kark? Do you want more dick jokes? More references to titties? More subtle hints of incest? All of that sprinkled into my vocabulary that I use in day to day life?” Dave asks.

“What? No-!” He scrambles to explain, but Nepeta, who is next, moves on.

The order goes like this. Dave with the first round, with the answer and winner you just described to yourself in your head.  
Nepeta with “I learned the hard way that you can’t cheer up a grieving friend with __.” and “Giving the tumor a cutesy name” from Karkat.  
Karkat with “Your persistence is admirable, my dear Prince. But you cannot win my heart with ___ alone.” and “Statistically validated stereotypes” from you.  
Kanaya with “For my next trick, I will pull ____ out of ___,” “A big black dick,” and “Grandma” from Dave.  
You with “_____. High five bro.” and “Incest” from Dave (which you do actually high-five him for).  
Feferi with “What gets better with age?” and “Necrophilia” from Kanaya.  
And finally, Jade.

“Um, okay. “We never did find blank, but along the way we sure learned a lot about blank,”” Jade reads before setting the card down.

Karkat reads through his deck for a second before resignedly setting two cards down and turning to Feferi and Nepeta. “I thought you guys said you were good at this game.” He says, though it sounds more like a question.

“I usually am,” Nepeta says, picking through her cards sadly. “I’m just not getting anything funny enough.”

“I don’t really know any of you, so I don’t know your senses of humor. But! I think I’ve got this round in the bag,” Feferi answers, setting her cards face down next to Jade.

“Whatever you say, man,” he says, unbelieving. You place “Jobs” and “The homosexual lifestyle” down. You doubt you will win, but this is the best combination of the cards you have on hand. No, you will not reveal what other cards you have. What if someone is a mind reader?

After another minute, Jade checks the number of answers. “Okay, everyone entered? Cool.” She gathers the cards up and checks through them. She likes to read the answers, pick a winner, and then read them out loud. Her eyes catch one duo and she sucks in a deep breath. “Found a winner.”

She lays down all the cards two by two and finally, finally, reveals first place. Dave leans over the read them and he barks out a laugh. “Shit!”

“Um. The winner is “We never did find Grandpa’s ashes, but along the way we sure learned a lot about Auschwitz,”” she says, holding up the cards. Feferi raises her hand and the group blows up at her.

Somewhere during the chaos of the game and Feferi’s subsequent answer that was, admittedly, real fucked up, you noticed Karkat had gone missing. You need to talk to him. He was probably heading to the bathroom. Alright then. You stand up and brush your hands off on your pajama pants. No time like the present. 

You begin to step out of the circle of stupidity when Dave looks up at you, looks around, and realizes that Karkat is gone too. He raises an eyebrow at you, and you hold up your phone. If he wants to call you out, might as well do it over text so the others don’t notice. You would prefer little attention called to this talk.

You step into the kitchen and lean against the counter for some semblance of privacy, Dave texting you as you walk over.

TG: yo  
TG: yo  
TG: rose  
TG: rose what are you doing  
TG: dont think i dont notice the gaping karkat shaped hole that is missing from next to me  
TG: gaping rose  
TG: gaping like this asshole  
TG: gaping like uhhh your moms asshole after i fucked her last night  
TG: oh burn  
TT: What? You incestuously cheated on our incestuous relationship?  
TT: I’m hurt, Dave.  
TT: Hurt and heartbroken.  
TT: I doubt I shall ever recover from this breach of trust.  
TG: what no its anal it doesnt even count  
TT: Well, then in that case.  
TG: listen just promise you arent going to do anything stupid  
TT: I promise I won’t do anything stupid.  
TG: like okay liar  
TT: You literally just asked that I say that.  
TG: yes and  
TG: whatever i know nothing i say is gonna stop you from calling karkat out in a conversation thats dumb and i dont even think needs to take place  
TG: but please try to refrain yourself from destroying your friendship with him  
TG: try to prevent him from deciding he wants nothing to do with all strilondes and decides to throw me out of the house too  
TG: i only have a penny to my name rose  
TG: i need him or else i dont have a place to stay  
TG: rose you see me crying  
TG: stuck in this too tight 50s housewife dress  
TG: ive got nowhere else to go rose  
TT: I’ll play nice.  
TT: Chill your tits.  
TG: never

You head down the hallway where you spot Karkat hiding out, leaning against the wall and playing with his phone. He looks up as you move over to him and pockets his mobile, leaning his head back against the wall.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” you say back.

“So, you’ve found my hiding spot,” he says, spreading his hands and moving his head forwards to look at you. His voice is monotone, and he’s obviously fishing for a brain shrinking session.

“I sure did. So, do explain, why exactly are you hiding away? I don’t think I caught that,” You ask, throwing an arm up and leaning all cool, like a teenage rebel that’s skipping school.

“Well, every good supervillain does reveal their plans when they’re found, eh?” He sighs. “So. You know Dave?”

“Yes. Of course, I do. He is my twin brother, Karkat.” He glares at you. Your face is stony and devoid of any emotion.

“Fuck off. Anyways, since you’re some big, observant genius, you’ve probably noticed the way me and him… act around each other.”

“What? No, I hadn’t noticed at all that anything was strange about you two.”

“Are you just gonna mock me, or are you actually fucking interested in this conversation, Lalonde?” He demands, and you hold your hands up in mock protest.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m all ears, Karkat. Spill your secrets to me.” He groans, dragging his hands down his face.

“You are insufferable. Every experience I’ve ever had that involves talking to one of you strilondes is a hellish time. I swear, when I end up in jail for thirty years for finally snapping and murdering one of you, I’m not going to apologize or regret it.” He hesitates and then sighs before grumbling at you. “So, I have, like, gay feelings for Dave. That much is obvious. And it’s stupid as shit, but I’m like, unreasonably jealous of Feferi throwing herself all over him like she’s got breast cancer and the only thing that can cure her is Dave, which Rasputin decided to name his fucking dick!”

You blink at him lazily. “Wow. I can’t believe you think about my brother being a penis. I bet you like to imagine his as well.”

“Shut up. I,” he says distantly, “hate this. And it’s completely unwarranted, considering Feferi is dating Kanaya now. But she’s, like, pretty and she actually likes the shit Dave makes. Genuinely likes it. Do you think I’m crazy?”

You frown and turn, making your back flat against the wall. “I don't think so. It’s completely human and natural to be jealous. Just because it’s slightly unwarranted doesn’t make you crazy. You know he’s head over heels for you, right? He obviously doesn’t show it in the way you’d like him to, but he does.”

“Yeah?” He questions hopefully.

“Listen, if I am wrong, you are allowed to break into my room and destroy all my books. Okay?” You don’t turn to him, but the pupils of your eyes dart to the right so that you can stare at him.

“Okay,” he agrees, and then he turns to grin at you. All sharp teeth and a sharpness in his eyes that make it look like he’s more aggressive than he actually is. “Thanks, Rose.”

“No need to thank me. Now, actually, before you head back, I’d like to ask you about something.” His jaw clicks back into place as he stares at you suspiciously. “Can I ask why you kept Kanaya’s contact information from me?”

“Oh please,” he says, exasperated. “Really, Rose? We went over this last week.”

“No, no. We evaded it last week. You evaded it last week. You just said that I never asked for it and then blocked me.”

“You really never did ask for it,” he points out. You narrow your eyes at him.

“Let it be known; just because I am helping you and sympathizing with you does not mean I am not pissed at you for not giving my Kanaya’s contact information. I didn’t ask you for a connection to her because I assumed you had none,” you tell him, tilting your chin up to an angle you know is effective at making people feel lesser around you.

He looks away, crossing his arms across his chest. “God, Rose. Chill the fuck out.” He sighs and glares up at you. “I don’t give a shit, okay? I don’t know why you two insisted you weren’t dating-”

“We weren’t,” you mutter, but he plows on.

“-and I don’t know why you broke up. I don’t know why Kanaya said she wasn’t going to talk to you anymore! All I knew was that she was my best friend, you were her almost girlfriend she didn’t want to see, and she was leaving. And shit! She didn’t offer me an ultimatum, demanding I never give you her number, but that’s because she trusted me not to give it to you! She obviously didn’t want you to have it! I could care less about the reasons, all I know is that you need to shut the fuck up, and grow the fuck up. You’re acting like a teenager again like you were with Nepeta.” You physically wince at the Nepeta comment. Right. He was Kanaya’s best friend. She told him about you doing that. You hope she didn’t tell him everything, for privacy. You trust she didn’t.

……

Holy shit. He’s right. You’re acting like a baby.

She told him all the necessary details so that he could support her but she still respected your privacy. Ohhh, god. She told you she didn’t want you to contact her, and that’s all you should’ve needed. Damn.

If you were any good at being a friend or partner, you obviously wouldn’t have pushed for information like this and guilted those around you for it. You grew to care for Karkat, and you’re an asshole.

“I’m sorry, Karkat. I’m being a pushy, self-absorbed idiot,” you tell him, trying to come off as sincere as possible. He just sighs and shakes his head.

“At least you’re admitting it,” he says with a grin.

“Admitting? Oh, no. Embracing. I think I’ll go full ham narcissistic. Become a beggar for information if it so much slightly involves me,” you joke. He laughs for a second and then sobers up.

“You are actually sorry, right? You aren’t just apologizing and then not fixing any unsavory traits, right?” He asks.

“I promise; I will do my best to work on changing myself for the better, Karkat,” you swear. Then, before he can go, you consider something and move your head to look directly at him. “May I ask one last something, please?”

“Depends on what the question is,” he grumbles.

“Nothing bad. Just plain curiosity.” You hesitate. “You said you knew of the... situation with dear, sweet, precious Nepeta, Kanaya, and my green monster, Ego. After it all went down, Kanaya, well, ignored me. For months. It hurt, but it was entirely understandable, of course. Since no one else, not even Nepeta, was doing a similar thing, I presumed nobody else knew of the scene that played in that dingy High School bathroom. So, I suppose my question is: if you knew about me trying to coerce Kanaya into cheating with me, why didn’t you seem to scorn me? It was entirely deserving.”

Karkat frowns, and chews on his bottom lip, looking away from you. “I don’t… I don’t know,” he starts. You resist from rolling your eyes. “I just, like. I don’t know. I knew you for a little while at that point, from Kanaya, being in classes together, and just me trying to be the best fucking school president that shithole ever saw and doing my best to remember every single goddamn name. You were, like, some snarky, gothic, smart-alec asshole who managed to get every single person in that place to despise you and fall for you at the same time. You were elegant, mysterious, and cold. You were the twin sister to Dave “I’m the best fucking person you’ve ever seen in combat but I also trip every single day because I refuse to not wear heelies” Strider. You were… a lot nicer and funnier than people expected. I obviously was not in the girls' bathroom at the time, but…”

He trails off. You’re staring at him, smiling just a little bit. “I guess, even though I wasn’t there and I wasn’t as close to you as I am now, the whole situation just seemed so out of character for you. I don’t know how you were acting, but, like, it isn’t like you to let your emotions overwhelm you unless you’re in a really shitty experience, like, the whole al’ thing. I think you are a good person, Rose. I thought you were a good person back then, too. I figured you didn’t want to talk about it and Kanaya told me not to approach you about it, so I just.. Gave you the benefit of the doubt.”

You’re silent for a moment before you finally lean in and pull him into a half-hug. He startles but melts into it. The occasion is short but comfortable. You are the first to pull away. As you unwrap yourself from him, you notice he has a section of hair out of place.

“Thank you, for presuming innocent until proven guilty,” you say. He begins to grin at you, but before letting him do that or leave, you lick your fingers and twirl the hair back into place. His smile drops, and he pushes you away, making a retching noise.

“Aw, shit! Fucking gross, Lalonde!” He shouts. You roll your eyes. It’s his nice shout. He lightly wacks your arm when he sees your eye roll, smiles, and immediately storms back off into the living room.

You sigh out loud and wrench your hands through your hair. You need to get it cut soon. It’s moving past your shoulders at this point, and you kind of hate having long hair. You have attachments to it involving your mother that you haven’t been able to move past yet. Maybe when she actually dies you will- No, no. It might become worse after that. You think, not for the first time, that you should maybe get a therapist. Your phone buzzes in your hand (your pajama pants don’t have pockets), pulling you out of your thoughts, and you look down at it. Dave again.

TG: so  
TG: friendships ruined yay or nay  
TT: I think it’s safe to say that me and him are okay.  
TT: You and him are definitely fine.  
TT: Kind of made me pull my own head out of my ass, here.  
TG: damn really?  
TG: fucking sweet  
TG: another inch we dont have to pull you out of  
TG: karkat taking one for the team and putting on his lalonde shit talking proof gloves  
TG: getting up in there like that fat kid in charlie and the chocolate factory got into the river and then died  
TT: Yes, yes. He managed to force me to face my own Ego single-handedly, using only logic and vaguely threatening volume control.  
TG: thats him alright  
TG: cool so you coming back already or what  
TT: Calm down, I will be there is a second, Dave.  
TT: How is the game going?  
TG: kinda fell ass first  
TG: were thinking of ordering pizza so you better get over here if you want topping input  
TT: Consider me running over there.

A few minutes later, you are stuck in a blanket pile with Jade and Nepeta, a metric fuckton of pillows wedged under your ass. Dave is standing up and leaning next to the TV, waiting for the delivery person to arrive. You requested olives and pepperoni, which was found lodged next to Nepeta’s request of salami. You’re just glad everyone completely vetoed Feferi’s request for pineapples and anchovies. Pure fruit and fish do not deserve to be placed of the godlike food that is pizza.

You all eventually changed Venom to Megamind, which you all agreed was in the top three of 2010 animated movies, paired with Tangled and How To Train Your Dragon. Of course, there wasn’t a stiff competition, considering Despicable Me and Toy Story 3 came out that year. Feferi tried to insist that the third Toy Story film was a cinematic masterpiece, and Dave mocked her by challenging her claim with Shrek Forever After. God, you totally didn’t realize how many semi-famous animated movies came out that year. You internally give them a subpar applause.

Your eyes are glued to the action on the screen, which entails the incel creep hitting on the short-haired lady. You wonder if anybody on character design just really hated people with curly red hair. You think of the Hotel Transylvania movie your mother forced you to see back in Middle School. Didn’t the main character have red curly hair in that too?

A scooting and then pressure suddenly coming to your side pulls you out of your thoughts. You look over to where the movement came from, and you come face to face with Feferi, smiling gently at you.

“Hi! I don’t know if Kanaya talked to you already, but whatever,” she starts, and you eye her. She is wrapped in a pink blanket and looks very comfortable. Jade and Nepeta are eavesdropping, and when you look past Feferi’s shoulder, you can see Kanaya watching you both out of the corner of her eye. She catches your gaze and looks away.

“So, um. Me and Kanaya really-” That sounded like “reely.” “-want to thank you for inviting us to this! I know you and I aren’t close or anything, but her and I appreciate it. For me, it’s a chance to, you know, get to know the community or something.” She moves her head and looks to the ground, a bashful grin creeping onto her face. “It’s also really good for Kanaya too. I can tell. She obviously missed you all, and it’s gonna be good for her to be around people who love her!”

Feferi goes silent for a beat, and looks away from you, her face towards Kanaya. “She and I went through some pretty stressful stuff together since we’ve known each other. I was dealing with an incident involving my mom, and she had to go to therapy for something for a really long time! I think the move back here will help decrease a lot of the tension that was affecting us hard.”

“She went to therapy?” You question, slightly alarmed. Feferi looks back at you.

“Yeah. She went through some shit, you know? It helped her deal with a complex, or whatever.” The moment is so serious and nice. But then, Feferi breaks it by giggling. “But you didn’t hear it from me, okay? It’s her thing to discuss in full!”

You sigh and nod. “Of course, Feferi. If anything, I’m just glad you both agreed to come.”

She smiles at you. The sides of your lips twitch up ever so slightly. The doorbell rings and Dave goes to collect the pizzas.

Dangit. You like Feferi. How are you going to steal Kanaya out from under her arm now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo! i got it finished in time!  
> its not as good as i would hope it would be, but im in school, have a cold, and started menstruating, so, you know. i have an excuse.
> 
> so, next chapter might be a little late. im just lucky i had a lot of this chapter written already before this week, but for the rest of it, it's mostly just ideas and small fragments i need to lace in throughout the story. so. yeah.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr is don-lockwood.tumblr.com  
> Chapters will likely come out on Sundays.  
> Will update tags as they become relevant.  
> Sorry if the other chapters aren't quite as long.


End file.
